I try to be good, nice and understanding. And I did. jellygator (author) from USA on October 24, 2014: Ai Yih, your question just now showed up, so I am sorry for the delay. Thank you for taking the time to stop by! Sometimes, a person may give someone the silent treatment because they are too angry, hurt, or overwhelmed to speak. he is a compulsive lair, cheater, all the abuser u can think of, I have reach a stage where I m only with him for the children sak. But as a man, as a father, head of the family Ive never tolerate if they done something wrong And im so much agree. Your reaction tells me that something's really bothering you. Suggest a face-to-face meeting to hammer out some rules for better communication in the future. I tried calling and texting him, but he doesn't respond, and it's been two weeks. Even after an apology, she felt if she forgave too soon, then I wouldn't get the message of how hurtful my behavior was toward her. OMG im stressed, hopefully he dont get mad Im here talking about it , but hey he dont wanna talk right? If you let yourself feel like a victim, get depressed, or pout, you must recognize that you've been engaging in control tactics, too, and pledge to stop. If someone's needs are met, perhaps that is better than not. Recently, I made a statement about my cell phone. Dont even tell the kids that youre leaving let your sister do that. I have to ask, what about when it is a Parent? A therapist can help them recover their self-esteem and understand that they are not responsible for their partners behavior. However, it might be even more common in the other direction. Thanks, nice to see many are opening up about it. We never went on a vacation and he never takes me out. It was very uncomfortable, living in a home with someone making faces, turning away silently when our paths crossed and working hard to show you how disgusted she was with you. Trying the above steps can help those in an otherwise healthy relationship. Nicole Prause, Ph.D., UCLA Psychologist. jellygator (author) from USA on October 22, 2014: Thank you, mslenai! Before diving into ways to respond to the silent treatment, its important to know how to recognize when it becomes abusive. Honestly, I believe people usually do the best they can, but get tangled around because of various allegiances and wind up having to make do without assurances because this is better than lying to someone. Know who you can call upon, where you can stay, and save enough money to give you a cushion if you need one. This content is accurate and true to the best of the authors knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional. If you're really only looking for a clean bathroom, you'll need to figure out what you can do to make sure your bathroom's clean even if he never changes his behavior. The issue lies only with the abusive person. Stonewalling is used also outside of intimate relationships to humiliate and control a target, and to evade accountability. I called my ex-wife's bluff. This simple tactic of avoiding criticism created a major shift in our communication. I believe if someone acts like I don't exist to them, then I should respect that I am not important to them. Thanks for the article, its great for men and women who are getting the silent treatment. I am not sure what's going on with him?) I was too worried, because he claimed that he could drive home even though he was too drunk. People (men or women) don't act like this without some painful things in their past that cause them to be deeply insecure and unhappy people. "Well if you won't talk to me, I'm going out to visit someone who will.". jellygator (author) from USA on October 15, 2014: I appreciate your honesty. I liked him and I fell in love with him because of I believed that found a person who I could be safe and happy with. After this argument however, he stopped messaging, stopped calling, stopped responding. As everyone knows, money is often the issue with therapy As for the "silent treatment" that I talked about yesterday, it ended when I silently went to bed by myself. Learn about how to spot the signs of emotional abuse and, Relationships with other people are a foundation of human society. I said I couldn't be ok with this, I'm not mad but can't understand why he won't make an effort to try to solve the situation and ask people for help. It's so hard for me to live my life as usual, when my whole body-mind-emotions are focused on this situation and being so sad about it. It's better than the 16 months she gave me in state prison though ! Linda Robinson from Cicero, New York on May 31, 2016: Good Morning jellygator so nice meeting you, just enjoyed your fascinating, detailed hub, you covered so many interesting situations about the heartaches of relationships. Wow I see some guys in the comments that advertise their Hatred for ALL women based on the looser They Chose to invest in. You can leave. The silent treatment is the woman's #1 weapon. jellygator (author) from USA on November 15, 2017: Thank you, Marisa. my kid and I don't have anybody who protect us. Make a plan for how youll talk to each other when things get heated and how youll avoid the silent treatment moving forward. During a time of silence both partners should pause to reflect on what led up to the silent treatment episode, especially if it was preceded by an argument, fight, or emotional outburst. If the silent treatment does not appear to be part of a larger pattern of abuse, a person can try the following approaches: Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. He's done everything from ignoring me on my birthday and holidays to degrading my intelligence. Its because " i love my family, i don't want to be broken family, and i know my wife , as family she loves us, she loves our children.Ive feel it. At this moment I am totally confused and don't understand what is really going on in our relationship and how to cope with this situation. I believe when a person's words and actions don't match up, you should probably believe the one you don't want to believe. You can leave the situation entirely. Since I know my husband loves me and wants to remain in the relationship, I remind him bluntly, yet adding that I don't prefer this solution, that if he plans to keep ignoring me, then he is giving me the message that he does NOT want me or the relationship any more. Let me tell you that such people always find partners who are emotional and can be easily manipulated. I am 7 weeks pregnant after years of trying to conceive, and trying to stay as calm as possible in the situation. Introverts need more time to process their emotions, especially when things get intense or they feel that they've been attacked or insulted in some way. He doesn't drink everyday but when he drinks he becomes totally different aggressive person. The point is: the silent treatment is a symptom of deep neurosis and should not be addressed for long, nor by the spouse alone, but treated in therapy. They start over how something was said. They can then be silent towards their partner for that time. Why does this article bash men? It seems like 8/10 arguements end this way and never have a positive result or get resolved. I felt very much offended with that because I'm paying for all of finances and I'm not even receiving any bit of care or appreciation. And yes I realize what my husband is doing is unhealthy and my current situation. You won't find a solution that works in just a few days or weeks. Some psychologists say that the silent treatment causes emotional damage that similar to physical abuse. The silent treatment at the end looked so funny but it's not funny when it's happening to you. This is the case when one person uses it to control and manipulate the other. How the Silent Treatment Sabotages You (And Your Relationships) Here are 5 ways the silent treatment is more damaging than you know: 1. People might also use it in moments where they dont know how to express themselves or feel overwhelmed. I hope these tips help you change your relationship and take steps to discourage stonewalling. If you are trying to force them to change or do things your way, you're giving them a reason to withdraw. I get the silent treatment for being too ill to take over their business so they can run off and do something that isn't even important. It will help someone in an abusive relationship to: Couples who have difficulty communicating effectively may benefit from counseling. If the silent treatment looms large in your life, there are steps you can take to improve your relationship or remove yourself from an abusive situation. I do notice that I have been blind to see how that even friends and other family members have been using the silent treatment, and after reading this, maybe I can help them see how they are trying to gain control through this behavior. When me and my wife fight, which only happens maybe once a year, I go silent because I just don't want to be a mean jerk to her. It can sometimes be a form of emotional abuse. MNT is the registered trade mark of Healthline Media. This is especially true if you called his attention to it and he hasn't tried to improve things and hasn't taken your complaint seriously. I agree with much of what you said. We previously determined I get the new car next. It's like he knows I made an anonymous post. If a man (or woman) uses the silent treatment as a form of passive 'abuse', I see no reason to stick around. If you criticize them as a person or assigning blame instead of focusing on finding solutions, you're contributing to the dynamic. And, despite what this article says, any apology or acknowledgement that this behavior was inappropriate would have gone a long way to re-establishing a relationship. Have you said, "I'm worried about you?" For two weeks he has had no time for me! Leave you past 3 months and she 's not just men who use silent Been given the silent treatment usually ended with Ray grabbing at Nina brusquely sex! 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